Stress & toxins = Weight Gain

### this am. I'm disgusted. I question the scales. I did everything I was supposed to yesterday except shit. I eat about 5 prunes a day and did yesterday (some in am and some in pm) . I'm just not eating enough to go every day. The day before yesterday the bm was very small.
I even feel lighter.
Had 1015 cal and 15 g fat yesterday. Had 2 ff hotdogs last night.
Signing off now. I'm really disgusted ! ! ! ! !
Tree guy is coming by at 10
B


You had the perfect excuse to tell ma you couldn't go to breakfastbecause the tree man was coming at 10:30Is it her or you who wants to go to the restaurant every morning?
Love S


Truth is that bkfst is the best meal she eats all day and I don't want to cook a big bkfst for her. When she isn't here, I don't go out.

Back off a little. In order not to disappoint you or myself, I only ate one slice of fr toast and an orange. I've calmed down a little now but last night and this morning I was just soooooo mad. Not any special thing, I'm just mad at her all the time.
Part of my problem is my reaction to Mom. I'm still trying to please her. I realize now that that's the way I've always been with men. Doing anything to please them, then resenting the hell out of them because I give in - - even something as simple as getting out of the bathroom when they want in.

My learning experience continues but I don't know if my health can stand it. Was seriously considering giving up and putting her in a home. I spent some time out in the yard this am and that helped. My knee is keeping me from doing things I need to do for myself like working in yard, walking in woods, walking on beach and right now my life seems to center around Mom and I resent the hell out of that.
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch.
Love, B.
P.S. ### is good dammit. I'll break ### this week and stay below that figure.


So Sing Sing Sing (remember to dance with your arms flapping over your head like a monkey also)...that can be your upper body exercise :~)
Learn it so you can hum it in front of her

Remember the last time you got this mad you gained & lost 3 lbs in a matter of days.So SING SING SING and DRINK DRINK DRINK h20 of course :~)
Liquada
1 banana
frozen strawberries
vanilla
splenda or stevia
skim milk blenderize

Love S


OK. But this (the restaurant) is our schedule now until I can get out into the yard and play. I'll start the smoothies after my knee heals.
Today ### I did everything right yesterday except control my anger at Mom. I guess 1/2 lb is not too bad considering how mad I was at her.
I did sing your song and you're right it helped but my problem is that she is right here and I see her when I finish the song and get all angry all over again.
I'm going to try to look at this as a job for which I'm paid and she is a person named H - not my mother.
I'll have either the speghetti squash tonight or the other stuffed ckn bird. The steak was good by the way.
We're going to the restaurant now. I've already eaten so I'll have my dry toast and orange. > > Love, B.


Did you ever get into meditation???
Also I forgot to tell you, when you have those angry days, be extra sure to drink LOTS of water. Stress creates toxins in your system and lots of water helps get rid of them so they do less damage.
That sounds like that will work.
Be sure to take a lunch break and several (coffee x'd out replace w green tea breaks) or you might get in trouble with the union. And you can report all harassing behavior from her to me.
Love S

Is it the toxins that cause the weight gain?
B

It's the toxins your body reacts to. I don't exactly understand all of it.
How are you feeling?
Love S


I worked out in the yard yesterday and I'm feeling great ! ! ! ! Did more than I thought I could and more than I have before. About a week ago I did a little bit and my knee killed me. Yesterday, two guys planted 7 trees and a few small nandinas and ferns. I just had to direct and walk around a bit but that usually kills my knee.

I don't believe in this but a friend in Calif is "doing" Reiki for me every night and I swear it's working. It's some kind of holistic medicine thing which involves concentrating on me and my injury.

Got a busy day today. Breakfast w/mom and a friend at 10:00. Mom's permanent at 11:30 while I go shopping and a contractor at 1:00 to inspect my houses and tell me how much to fix some siding that's rotted. Then I'm going to work in the yard some more - just easy small stuff. Isn't it funny how we turned out? You love to cook like mom and I love to work in yard like Dad.
Love B.